18 Things Every Christian Woman Should Know About Christian Men

young_menThere tons of books and articles that talk about how a woman can "find" a man. Do you really think that the use of rules or any other special tactics are the best things to place a woman on the path towards marriage? Please remember that bible says that "He who finds a wife, finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (NIV) Proverbs 18:22. For all of the ladies that read this post, it is important to understand that God does not intend for you to go out and find a husband. He intends for your future husband to go and find you.

God needs to prepare all of us for marriage (men and women). Often times we remain unmarried, because we are not ready in God's eyes. 

To my sisters in Christ…if you truly want a Christian man in your life, there are some things I think you should know. I'm talking about a true authentic Christian man. I'm referring to a man that is not perfect, but he loves God deeply. I'm referring to a man that will treat you like queen and lead your family as he follows Christ.

I am going to take a little liberty and speak for authentic Christian men around world. If you are a single female, here is what you should know about some of the things that go on in the mind of authentic Christian men as it relates to you. (If you are a married woman, some of these things may help you out too)

1. We love God even though we may not always show it the same manner that you do.

2. We are not afraid of marriage. 

3. We are not perfect just because we love God. Learn to deal with our imperfections. We learn to deal with yours.  

4. A positive and happy woman will always be more attractive than a negative and angry one.

5. What goes on between us should stay between us. Your girlfriend and/or family don't need to know everything. 

6. Gossip is unattractive.

7. Selfishness is really unattractive.

8. Less clothing does not make you more attractive. We want to see your breasts, but not until we put a ring on your finger.

9. Please go easy on the makeup or learn to apply it properly. We are looking to marry a woman not a clown.  

10. Don't be quick to be jealous of our relationships with our mothers. How we treat her will be a good indication of how we will treat you. 

11. Although SOME of us are prophets, NONE of us have the ability to read minds. If something is on your mind please say so. Clues are for Sherlock Holmes. 

12. Authentic Christian men genuinely like to help other people. That does not me we care any less about you. 

13. We are not like the other people who have hurt you in the past. 

14. We aren't as obsessed with your weight as your are. 

15. If we comment about exercise or eating habits it is because we care about your health. We want you to be around to spend time with us.

16. The fact that you have children is not stopping us from getting to know you.

17. Whatever we like before marriage (food, sports, video games, etc), we will continue to like after marriage. 18. There are constructive ways to ask us to do things, to informs us and to correct us. Nagging is not one of those ways.

So, what do you think about the list? Is there anything else that should be added?

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  • Michael

    Women say that they don’t want men that go for looks. Why shouldn’t a man go mainly on looks? Do women go for the heart of the man?
    Romans 8 mentions God’s love that nothing should get in the way of love (that means possessions),but will ANY Christian woman marry a homeless / broke man that is Godly? Of course NOT!!
    You want “security”(possessions), you better have a sexy body.
    It’s a tradeoff that Christians don’t like to admit, a business transaction.

  • Airstar

    This writeup is just wat I needed to read. . Am really going tru a phase dat if I had know dis; it wudn’t hav started at all. . Thank God all d same. .

  • Lisha

    Such excellent advise!! Especially about the having children part, I have two beautiful kids & I know the media likes to talk down about a woman having kids bringing them into a relationship which I seem to think is unfair. My kids would be a great asset to my future relationship & I want a future husband who will treat them as if they were his own along with our future kids.

  • Priscilla Lenora Miles

    @jf
    Speaking as a Christian…Please understand that the man is being responsible by trying to take care of his children without the stress and burden of maintaining a home. Conversely, he is giving his girls the womanly companionship they need through his mother, and helping his mother at the same time! This is Logical Thinking! This man has every right not to concern himself with a relationship until he has everything in place. He already has a life! He cannot and will not increase his responsibility (emotionally). I have much respect for a man who follows order, but believe me, if there is going to be an additional person in his life, that person will be adding and not subtracting, multiplying and not dividing! If God is allowing you to be in this man’s life then I suggest you be what you were ordained to be in the relationship. Don’t make the mistake of being what you want rather than what the man needs! If you become an addition to his life, believe me, he will ultimately make the decision to add what compliments him, his children, and his family, which is the most important to him…at this time! Then you too have become a part of that priority and accountability! Remember, God looks at the man when he observes the family! By the way, is your relationship based on Christianity (no sex) because God does not honor or bless our mess! I’m just saying…!

  • Priscilla Lenora Miles

    You are on point my Brother! Good Advice!

  • Justpassinthrough

    I actually know a couple of couples (haha) that this happened to.The women actually weren’t like scouring the globe for a husband,and they were busy doing ministry things,and they got to a point where they were like,”Alright God,let me know if he’s the one,and then I’ll go out with him”
    And while it totally worked for them and worked with their personalities,it’s not for everyone,so you kind of need to know which approach is the bestfor you personally.
    Hope this helped!

  • Democracy forever

    I worked as a nurse in the emergency room. A Mexican middle-aged doctor was always looking at greener pastures. His idea was that a white or fair-skinned thin and sexy blonde blue-eyed woman was the ideal beautiful woman. One day he was lusting after a beautiful tall blonde, blue eyed woman. It turned out she was mentally-challenged and no etiquette. Her breath stunk. Looks can be deceiving. A sexy woman could be a tormenting spirit, the devil himself. Be careful men.

  • Democracy forever

    Do not be so desperate my friend. It is better to eat alone than have somebody with you that torments you in that or any other fashion. If it does not look or feel right, it is probably not right. Ask the Lord to show you signs. Pray everyday. Only the Lord can give you comfort and love in your single lifelihood.

  • Democracy forever

    What I would do, as a Christian, give him the same treatment. If he complains, express your feelings. Do not allow vain “forgive me’s”. Ask him to own his behavior as well. Then bargain with him. He goes through a battery of lie detector tests that prove his intentions are not tainted with lust. If he is fed up with you and he really wishes to move on, time for Christian woman marriage counselor. Many Christian men believe women are second class citizens. They do not treat women with delicacy and pure unadulterated love. Few do. The truth will set one free.

  • Democracy forever

    God not only expects prayer but action behind prayer. One should not things like that slide between Christians. You bring your concerns to the floor and your Pastor.

  • Democracy forever

    I guess you are not used to this kind of love a mother and a son. You should have noticed all this between the two before you married. It is your fault. Ask God to change your perspective on how you look at them. Time for big miracle of some kind in your life so you will not be miserable. God answers!

  • Democracy forever

    Is there anyone in your life that can help you fill your void of your better half? If there is, bring someone-your uncle, cousin, sister-in-Christ, etc., to help cross the bridge. If your husband refuses to let them in, then you ask him to change. Let mom find herself someone else in her life to keep her busy. Do not ever separate them completely. If you love your spouse, you have bind your heart to God not to hate her and feel compassion for her.

  • Democracy forever

    If you ever want to be the most important thing in a man’s life, it may never happen in this relationship. Giving of yourself- you will be rewarded by God giving you peace and love. If you choose to be a good steward, a helping hand for others regardless of what life throws down at you, this is a lifelong friend here for you. Do not expect anything in return, ever from them! You may be disappointed if your do. Choose-friendship or a disappointing love relationship.

  • Democracy forever

    That is exactly what I do to ward-off the leeches. I wear an engagement ring. The man that God wants for me will not see the engagement ring and will try to get to know me in some manner or the other. I do not dress up for anybody but solely to represent Jesus.

  • Democracy forever

    What happened after 2 years?

  • Angel

    um…that sounds silly…the wearing ‘I’m not available I’m engaged but I want a man willing to overlook integrity & still pursue me”. Maybe fast & pray for God to reveal if He is really saying do that part.

  • Angel

    Chase or shows interest? Big difference. Today’s chasing a man is lol near stalking sometimes, not the Ruth Boaz make your interest known & then let him man up.

  • Angel

    Stop second guessing what you already know as a Christian woman. May God bless you with a Godly mate one day!

  • Angel

    um…attractive yes that’s realistic & healthy…spectacular and stunning ‘seems’ unrealistic & a bit superficial.

  • Leah1131

    Lol That’s funny – Sir your in the wrong to even mention that The bible says that the man must be PROVIDERS of the caretakers and is a SIN not to provide ect ect So marrying a homeless isn’t a provider is it? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder -Living in ungodly society uphold beauty the wrong way So men be a role models of Christ As to have self control as to likewise Jesus did Women should go for upright man in God God did not have intentions for man/women for business transactions lol

  • leah1131

    Amen!!!! I really feel for you and sorry you got hurt They know better lol The scriptures say only date if ready for marriage but men don’t listen head down wrong path I see this happen all the time in congregations But those so called “Chistian men” are pursing the worldly ways and not listening to God Be glad that these men let you go! You better off that way anyways w#o men with no self control You be happy doing what your suppose too Because that indecent Shameful acts of them and not upright and in vain NOT Christ- like Only to lead them in ; unhappy marriage divorces cheating diseases This why God warns us to be pure because he dont want us to get more hurt So be glad these so called “Christian men” have let you go because they are not following righteous path only to lead in “worldy ways” You keep doing what your doing and all goes well for you Much love

  • lisa

    why do women need to ask u to do something that u all can clearly see want doing and might be too difficult for the woman? please men need to tae initiative

  • just curious!

    I am past 50 and have never been married, though I had been proposed to 3 times. (Definitely not Godly men, except for one who died and didn’t want me to have to take care of him.) I am fairly content, yet have found myself take an interest in someone, not for his looks but for his character. I wish I knew if he were, but as I am continually told, let him pursue and that is what I am doing. I just wonder do genuine Christian men pursue the woman the way God made them to, or can someone be interested in a woman, but just scared or shy? Possibly a bad marriage or long time relationship? Okay, guys what do you say?

  • DesertFlower

    It certainly isn’t enough for the person to say I am a Christian. They gotta walk the walk and talk the talk. The only way to know is to take things verrrry slowly and observe. Get to know his friends. Are most of them worldly? Well, chances are there will be a more than a touch of worldliness with him as well. Do you see him active in church…and not merely there because you are? Google him and see what comes up. Speak with your pastor/priest and get information if you can. No, that’s not being nosy. In fact, in many churches it’s customary for a Christian man to ask the spiritual leader about a woman he may be interested in. It’s considered the first step in courtship.

  • DesertFlower

    This is a nice list compared to some of the profanity laden vitriol I’ve seen out there.

  • DesertFlower

    You’re on track, definitely! Definitely a red flag. So when you see that, run! Dating a nominal ‘christian’ is probably worse than dating a non-believer. At least with a non-believer you know where things stand. With a hypocrite, they will not only try to justify themselves, they will also try to drag you down as well knowing full well they are doing wrong. I know it’s easier said than done, but I would say leave the man to God and just move on. If you’re interested in missionary work, then be a real missionary and don’t using dating as a mission field.

  • DesertFlower

    Saying one word the man doesn’t like? LOL

  • DesertFlower

    Just depends. Sometimes the man is just shy or scared. Sometimes they’re simply not interested in a romantic relationship. Me? While I think it’s nice if the man pursues, but I don’t think it’s wrong for the woman to be pro-active. After all, we’re not spiders who have to settle for whatever falls into our web, right? All this ‘rules’ nonsense belongs in the 1950s.

  • DesertFlower

    Thing is, a sexy body or affluence can only take a person so far. What happens when one starts aging and losing their looks? What if one loses their fortune in an economic downtown? You’d better have more than that if you’re in the relationship for the long haul. A true Christian marriage is not, nor should it ever be a ‘tradeoff’ or a business transaction. It’s a sacrament.

  • DesertFlower

    Unfortunately, some ‘Christian’ men and women can be just as shallow as worldly ones.

  • DesertFlower

    Wjenee: Anything is possible. There are at least 5 cases in Scripture of love at first site where it was clear God meant for a couple to be to together such as Isaac and Rebecca or Ruth and Boas…but there’s also the cases like David and Bathsheba where it was less about God’s will, but of satisfying one’s lusts/desires/infatuations. If one has been dateless/partnerless for a long time, then it’s very easy to get deluded into thinking that God sent a person into your life to marry because the circumstances seem to line up right! As the Scripture says ‘test the spirits’ to see if they are of God. I’ve had that very heady but ultimately heartbreaking experience of feeling like a specific man was sent to me by God, only to find out he’s not as into me as I was into him. How did I find out? I asked the guy himself if he was interested. Yes, there is the risk for rejection and embarrassment but better than pine away in la-la land and live in delusion, right? Fortunately, the guy in question let me down easily and we are still platonic friends but it could’ve had a very different and more negative outcome had I allowed my own desires and fantasy to dictate things.

  • DesertFlower

    Well, you’re the one who comes off as being superficial! Men, Christian or not, don’t date or marry for charity/mercy purposes! It’s simply delusional to think that it’s somehow more ‘Christian’ for a man to bypass an attractive/beautiful woman favor of someone who is perceived as unattractive, plain or even physically ugly, especially if the unattractive, plain/ugly person also has a terrible personality. It’s the nasty, mean, angry, bitter, negative attitude that puts off a man…and I’m sorry to say sweeping judgmental statements similar to what you made in this posting put you right into the “ugly” category, regardless of what your actual physical looks might be. If men aren’t approaching you and you think it may be related to your physical appearance, well then go DO something about it other than feeling sorry for yourself, lashing out and then expecting the man to lower his expectations/standards for little ole you.

  • DesertFlower

    Only he can come to compete faith. Nothing you can do here apart from praying from him. I would say do NOT marry that man as it is very clear you two are unequally yoked.

  • DesertFlower

    Counseling?

  • DesertFlower

    Those women did not ‘chase’ the guy, not in the way you see nowadays. It’s ok to show interest but the man is the one who should do the main pursuing.

  • DesertFlower

    Lady, that’s got to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever read online! Creeps aren’t put off by an engagement ring or even a wedding band. In fact, they may find it a challenge. Plus wearing that ring just might put off the appropriate man for you because he has the morals and good home training not to go after a woman who is putting herself out there as spoken for.

  • DesertFlower

    Nonsense. I know plenty of women who don’t dress like skanks and still attract men (good and bad men alike.) Plus the women who wind up supporting men usually do that to themselves. It’s a way for them to try to be in control of the relationship.

  • DesertFlower

    Sure, but there was also Lot’s daughters who seduced their own father in order have children. Do you recommend that too? Be careful with using/misusing Scriptures for present day purposes.

  • DesertFlower

    Did you not notice anything amiss before you married?

  • DesertFlower

    I’m not reading any passivity on the part of the woman in that verse. If anything, it’s telling men that if you have a good wife, you are fortunate indeed. No more, no less.

  • DesertFlower

    Men are men, Christian or not, and the fact is men DO consider looks first, then personality. The tricky part? Men have different ideas on what looks good to them. It’s not necessarily the gal in the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. All we women need to do is to make sure we are reasonably presentable: fix our hair in an attractive style we like, make sure we are clean and well groomed. Make up if you wear it is natural looking. Wear clothing in the right style for your body shape. Smile and be pleasant in your personality. In short, be your best self there is.

  • DesertFlower

    yes, but how does one do that without awaking love before its time, as It says in songs of Solomon? That I have to say can be challenging, especially if one is a Christian who has a ‘past.’ lol

  • DesertFlower

    I call the 21st Century dating scene the “dating/industrial complex” Most of the problems are media generated, and there are an awful lot of ‘experts’ out there who have no problems tapping into people’s insecurities to make money off them. They’ve brainwashed men and women to think that the only way to meet Mr/Ms Right is to jump through the hoops that the dating websites et al have set up and to follow the ‘rules’ some writer came up with…and what’s up with all these comedians who are putting themselves out there as dating ‘experts?’ Ridiculous. Christians men and women need to get off that treadmill and learn to trust in the Lord more…and go back to good old fashioned courtship which is intended to lead to marriage and NOT the worldly dating scene which is just about casual sex and ‘scoring’ and bragging to one’s buddies…yuck!

  • DesertFlower

    but don’t churches do potlucks and other social events like maybe going to a sports event or theatre or hold dances or beach cleanups or what not? Maybe someone can organize something like that in order to facilitate singles meeting each other? It doesn’t have to be billed as a ‘singles’ event. Getting to know married ladies and older people with lots of connections can often lead to matchmaking, too!

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