Why Men Don’t Go to Church

There has been so much written and spoken regarding why men don’t go to church. So, in honor of father’s day I thought I would throw my 2 cents in regarding why many men hate church and others just don’t go. Here is the brief list I came up with:

1. Men Aren’t Show the REAL Jesus
In most churches, Jesus is portrayed as the “meek and lowly lamb of God. Many churches often neglect what I call the tough side of Jesus. The bible clearly displays many instances where Jesus was anything but meek.

He used graphic language (Mark 9:47-48). He got angry (Matthew 21:12-13). He didn’t back down from a fight (Matthew 26:47-56). Men would be more inclined to go to church if they were given the total picture of who Jesus was and is.

2. The Music is Not Man Friendly
There are so many directions I could go with this, but I will keep it concise. First, when it comes to praise and worship many men need a little of what I like to call “spiritual foreplay”. Before they get into the intimate worship song, they need to start out with one to two aggressive and energetic praise songs. That makes it easier for them to ease into worship.

Second, once intimate worship begins, it is hard for some men to get into it. Singing songs about touching the face of Jesus is not what some men would consider to be a good time. Think about it. On the surface, touching the face of another man is not considered to be a manly activity. Even if we are talking about Jesus Christ.

Lastly, it is hard for some men to sing in public. Some men actually worry about how they sound and what other people will think about them.

3. They Have a Tough Time Connecting With Other Men
It is difficult for some men to connect with other men in a church setting. If you honestly thought about this you would see that many people come to church with their church disguise on. They put on their nice clothes and they have their church language. They say things like “I’m blessed and highly favored.” Instead of saying “Hello” or “How are you doing?”, they use “Praise the Lord” as a greeting.

Unless you are accustomed to this type of thing it can be a little shocking. It is hard connecting with people if you don’t know their language or culture. I’m sure underneath it all many men are interested in the same thing and they share a lot of things in common. However, it can often be difficult to overcome the church disguise and make any meaningful connections.

There are a couple of other reasons I could mention, but I’ll stop here.

Your father may or may not be joining you in church as you celebrate Father’s day this Sunday. Hopefully, he will be at church somewhere, but there is a possibility that he isn’t attending church at all. One of the reasons above may be able to explain that or there could be another explanation.

As a man, I enjoy being in the company of other authentic Christian men. Unfortunately for me and many other men, we are in the minority on Sunday morning. (I’m not talking about race) So, my prayer is that God will inspire churches around the county and give them insight and wisdom regarding ministering to men.

What is your take on why men don’t go to church?

Here are two great websites that discuss the relationship between men and church. There is also some good resources:
Church For Men
Speaking of Men

Here are two books that I would recommend for further reading:
Why Men Hate Going to Church
How Women Help Men Find God

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  • http://www.dcgospelblog.com Byron Love

    My Brother,

    Bull’s Eye! You are right on target! I was at church today, and I noticed yet again how the women dominated congregation. The pastor preached out Joseph out of Mathew 1:18-25. It was a good sermon where he explained that Joseph is an excellent role model for fathers. God chose Joseph to be the man to raise Jesus because of his character. Joseph was obedient to God. He raised a son that was not biologically his, and son that would go on to lead men and women all over the world for eternity. It was a great sermon for men to hear, but many were absent.

    This morning, the worship leader explored a pattern of saying, “touch your neighbor and say….” The pastor was one of those “look at your neighbor” preachers. I’ve been going to church nearly all my life, and I felt uncomfortable looking at my neighbor and repeating after the pastor, and even more uncomfortable reaching out to touch strangers. And I did not want anyone reaching out to touch me except for my wife and kids. I like to sing, but as we sang, I found myself observing whether or not the others men sang, too. Many did, but they could not seem to get into it. I can image the men I know who do not going to church feeling uncomfortable singing some of those songs, and even more uncomfortable looking at and touching people they do not know.

    The church is in crisis, and at the core of this crisis is the lack of leadership. I know many men who need Jesus and need to hear about Joseph, but I have a hard time recommending church because of all of the corruption I have experienced and all of the people I have met that the church has mistreated. The churches want men to tithe even though they have a reputation of abusing funds. Many men don’t trust the church, and the church does make them feel comfortable, so why should they go? Strong leaders would recognize this and lead the church to make changes. And not strong leaders at just one church, but at all of the God-fearing churches. But there is no one leader that can unite all of the churches of the different denominations and lead the changes required clean up the corruption, improve how Christians treat other church goers, and address the needs of men who need Jesus. We have to pray and ask God to save His church so that it will be in a position to help the men who need it.

  • http://thegospelblog.com Cliff


    Thank you for sharing. Unfortunately, the experience you had at church is something that many men go through.

    It is important for us to remember that we go to church to meet God. There are corrupt people in the workplace, in schools, in government and anywhere else you can imagine. We must be put our faith in God and not church officials.

    You are right. This is definitely we can all pray about.

  • http://your-dailyword.blogspot.com Mikes

    I’m a man and I go to Church. there are some who don’t maybe because of Pride which must be corrected right away. We go to church not for music, not for what is my “thing” but because we’re meeting our God and personal Lord. with that in mind, the rest disappears.

  • http://www.dcgospelblog.com Byron Love

    I apologize for leaving another post on this subject, after I have already taken up so much space. But this is an important issue to me, and I feel the need to express my discontent with the status of things. I read my Bible everyday – I have read it from cover to cover six times. I pray three to four times a day, sometimes more. I have asked God for help, and He has answered me. He has never let me down. And I thank Jesus everyday for forgiving my sins, saving my soul and giving me access to God.

    We don’t need to go to church to get close to God. I get close to God everyday. I go to church because it is a form of worship. I take my children to church because church is where I learned about God, and after I strayed, I returned to what I knew. I go to church because I was raised to go to church and I have a heart for church. And no matter the corruption, there is still no better place to go to give Him the sacrifice of praise.

    My prayer is for those who were not raised in the church, but who need to learn how to get closer to God. For the second, third, fourth, and so on generation of souls that have never gone to church and don’t understand it. Those who need God’s help, but don’t trust the church to show them the way. Romans 10:14 says, “How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?” THEY are the ex-offenders, the addicted, the lost. THEY are the ones who need Him the most.

    The church does a good job of taking care of church folks like me. But, there are the men outside the church that need the church, and the travesty is that the church does not know how to reach them.

  • http://thegospelblog.com Cliff

    Mikes…One of the great benefits about church is that is provides a venue for us to fellowship with other believers. It is tough for some men to do that if the atmosphere is uncomfortable for them.

    Receiving from God is extremely important while at church. Unfortunately, if the natural side of a person is uncomfortable it sometimes becomes difficult to receive anything spiritual.

    Byron…You never need to apologize for leaving a comment. Everyone’s comments are always welcome, whether they be 1 or 21.

    I agree with you. There are many people who currently are not being reached or ministered to. If we as children of God allow him to speak to us, I believe that he will give us insight about how to reach them.

    Thank you both for sharing your comments.

  • PoliBohoGlam

    Wow. Okay, my comment is really late, but I just discovered this blog and this particular post stood out to me.

    I’m enlightened by what the men who posted had to offer. Their insight is invaluable in better understanding how to pull men into God’s house.

    However, I wonder if there’s not another reason that men aren’t in the church. Perhaps men aren’t in the church because men aren’t in “the community”. I don’t say this to mean that they do not exist. Yet, when you look at the people that are leading the majority of Black households with children, the people that are most active in community groups, the people that are most active in schools and that generally pull together folks in neighborhoods and the larger community, lately it’s the women. When you look at many families, you see that males who are of legal age are often absent.

    Church has often been a place where families and communities come together to meet God, but also to celebrate holidays, mourn our lost ones, applaud accomplishments, band together to fight against injustices and to generally love one another. What I’ve seen of late is men creating their own “sub-culture” where they no longer interact with women in a communal style. There’s either no sense of responsibility or no pressure to join forces with the women in the community to be the nucleus of a family unit. Often times young men, and later older men simply leave “the community” and end up creating their own communities. The women and children seem like an after thought. This could very well be because society has so marginalized Black men. This could also have much to do with the alarming number of Black men who end up in prison.
    With Black men not leading in other areas of life, it’s no wonder they are not a force in the church.

    I think the larger question is, “How do we get Black men to take their rightful place as leaders in society on a much larger scale and become re-established as a staple in the family structure?”.
    I think an answer to that question would show scores of men returning to church.


  • http://thegospelblog.com Cliff


    Welcome to the blog! Thanks for your comment. You bring up a really good point. There is a much larger issue before us. It is sad how many Black men are not taking leadership roles in the family. I’m not sure how we remedy this problem.

    Unfortunately the value of family has declined in some parts of our culture. People engage in sexual relationships without considering any of the consequences.

    I wish some women would be more selective regarding who they choose for a mate. I wish more men would be responsible for their actions.

    Even though we know this problem is huge, we know that nothing is too large or too difficult for God. I pray that our generation will be able to hear his desires for men of all races and for families everywhere.

  • http://TheGospelBlog Jeff J

    While some of what you are stating is very pertinent concerning the comfort level of men in worship, I have to wonder if the principle of Worship, in particular “Davidic Worship” is taught in these church settings! “Davidic Worship” is a pure model of the King/Psalmist David, a MAN, who was in continuous pursuit of the heart of God. I personally feel that it is a VERY LAME excuse that we use to support the lack of male participation in church attendance and worship. IT’S NOT THEORITICAL LOGICAL. Why is it that we socially promote “men” being VERY exuberant towards a football team where MEN pat each other on the butts for approval purposes; jump up and down in bleachers when there is a score; and hug each other on the field when excited!!! Let us NOT be decieved in support of “men” being intimate and celebratory over a sports event and then justify the reasoning for the lack of intimacy and celebration when it comes to the greatest play of all times – “For God so loved the world….” THAT’S the GREATEST play and WORTH an uninhibited praise!!!! So, logically, this coverup doesn’t fly!!!!

  • Ken

    I have just the opposite problem. My wife refuses to go to church. She finds all religion sexist and I quote “pigeonholing the potential of women”. She and her sisters were raised Baptist and everyone of them are huge atheists now. It’s not like my in-laws are crazed bible thumpers. They’re nice people. My wife and her sister are college educated and I thought perhaps they’d been indoctrinated by some women’s studies class but none of them even know who the major “feminist icons” are. So, I go to church alone – I was raised Lutheran. She told me that if we had sons, I could take them to church but our daughters were off limits. Luckily we have 2 sons but they’re both so young, I can’t wrangle them alone and she will not go. Said she’d rather eat dirt so I let it be. She’s a great lady, thoughtful, giving, loving, educated, adoring mother, hard worker, brings in half the bacon, I couldn’t ask for a better partner but she will not budge on this. I quit trying.

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