You might attend a megachurch if…

Let me just say that I have never been a member of a megachurch. I don’t have any problems with them at all. I think many megachurches do a great job at serving a large number of people.

Having said that, I can still have a little fun at their expense.

You might attend a megachurch if…

  • Sections of the parking lot are identified by biblical characters. (Dad: Hey kids, remember, we parked in section Moses 10.)
  • After you park, you need to take a tram to get from your car to the front door of the church.
  • There are a minimum of five different types of pastors on staff.
  • Someone on staff has the title of CFO (Chief Financial Officer). Most smaller churches just call this person the treasurer.
  • You need to raise an additional $3 million to make your budget for the year.
  • Sunday service MUST end before 12 PM, so they will have enough time to set up the arena for the afternoon NBA game.
  • The pastor takes 20 minutes to say “hello” to all of the satellite campuses before he starts his sermon.
  • There is a McDonald’s or Starbucks in the church lobby.
  • The pastor writes a book that ends up on The New York Times best seller list, but he never advertised the book outside of the church.
  • The worship leader sells a CD that goes platinum, he or she never advertised the book outside of church.
  • The pastor’s wife writes a book that ends up on The New York Times best seller list, but she never advertised the book outside of the church.
  • The president of the usher board writes a book…I think you get my point.

What do you think? Do you have anything else to add to the list?

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